My guess is also grief. It feels a bit different from depression. Things are going fine and then one little thing can set you off. Identifying that is not always clear and it doesn’t really matter. Because it’s not fixable. Just as the state of the world is also causing grief and there’s so much out of our control. I’m at my parents right now and it’s beautiful weather and sunny and gorgeous mountains and I’m not great. Because my husband loved the mountains. We married here. Damn it, he should be here, skiing with our boys. And I didn’t zero in on my malaise until I read about yours. Keep on keeping on.
I would suggest it’s the waiting. You know things could be better but they are out of your control (for now). Sometimes you just want to shout and stamp your feet a lot. Do that indoors, not on the Common.
I hope it works out in Gloucestershire but, if it doesn’t, there will be other cottages. My first husband was a fool who managed to get our beautiful cottage in Upper Cam (Glos) repossessed by the bank. We had ducks and chickens and a productive veg garden. I was heartbroken.
Obviously, I divorced him because of all the lies and obfuscation. Luckily, I used to be an accountant and houses used to be cheap. My life improved, I met my true love and we are still together 35 years later. So, you see, you never know. And every cloud has a silver lining. How many more cliches can I squeeze in?
Lucy it was SO lovely to meet you and THANK YOU for coming to the launch on Tuesday. I’m so sorry to hear about The Gloom, and the thing is about it is that one day it will go but you have to get through the days before that day. I totally agree so much of it is light and heat related - we need to more sunlight. I get more work done when the sun is out, even if il inside. And please please to the daffodils - we are actually two weeks behind last year when all my daffs were out and the early tulips too. I do think that’s at the root of it - someone had the breaks on as the wheel of the year has been desperately trying to turn. We need some colour now.
Not to minimize your legit thoughts, official diagnoses and feelings, you have experienced extraordinary losses in your not quite four decades.
IMHO, mourning significant losses insidiously parks inside of us. Deep grief needs to be felt and processed. I have empirical knowledge; not talking about me though.
Got to mire through the muck.
It is not my intent to sound preachy, rather, sincere.
Something to look forward to is key to banish malaise. IMHO, anticipation is the greatest emotion.
At crap-ass times in life, you might feel there exists zero way to sort out these phantom-yet-oh-so-real-bottom-of-the-ocean-grey areas. The myriad of roiling bad and sad feelings you cannot shake despite your best efforts.
As for the state of the world—my take? Do exactly what you want to do every day. You are doing your best. We all are.
Challenge: Horrific, unnamed major world players. {Hah. Players, indeed.}
That’s a long writing for this sad sack to get thru.
I’d lean in and dig in the garden, and be careful not to hurt the worms. 🪱 They’re our friends. , Stay out in the great outdoors. No walls.
Jump in a puddle, spray yourself with a hose, accidentally on purpose, be thankful that the only human being in the room/garden you are having trouble with is “yours truly”.
That’s good news.
Believe it or not.
I have met the enemy, and he lies within.
And I have met the good friend, and he’s right next to the enemy.
Could be worse.
Could be better.
Getting laid is overrated.
I find “self-love” is less tangles involved. Also less messy.
I have a good friend, I think he’d say he’s a good friend, even though we haven’t spoke for years, figure that the f#%knout, Kevin (my good friend) says, “I may be not that much, but I’m all I think about”. I’ve heard the same in those meetings I did for so so many years, as I was gripped in the sickness of an addicts survival, the days of wine and roses; I beg your pardon, the days of beer and more beer, and occasional white powder. To do too much of a drug, so one runs off to throw rocks up at a window, to awake a dealer, who I don’t really know, but friend of a friend, who’s kind enough to spot me till next Tuesday(payday); and so then I can venture on and return to the bar to do more of the same drug(alcohol), in which I was wrestling with in the first round.
Damn runoff sentences.
I do love comas though, and now abusing those, as well as an occasional semi colon; I believe there referred to.
Still there?
Too much of oneself is no good.
Self-centeredness is the enemy.
Maybe go out of your own way and visit, help, hold a door, say how is YOUR day, to an elder. Perhaps one in their 80’s or above, older than you and I. They walk by your home more than you think, and they walk rather slowly, in all due respect, as the great race” doesn’t matter that much to them anymore. They’ve found the secret, and would love to share it, to those willing to listen. Find some John Prine and listen to “Hello In There”.
JP passed from Covid a few years ago. Lover of life. The Spirit lives on forever.
And I forgot the point I was going to make.
But when all else fails hug your dog, stick your nose in the soil, talk to a bug, and a bird, or better yet a squirrel or two; and above all thank, your own understanding of “the good lord”, and be grateful that you don’t live in America the not so Beautiful, and to be ruled by a money hungry infested piece of shit, with no one around him brave enough to stand up for the people and democracy; all in fear of losing their job, and company car.
Oh, try starting your day over. Can be done as many or few times you like. No rules. If there are, youre the one making them.
This too shall pass.
*All things must pass.
*George Harrison.
☮️🌱🙏🥸♥️
ps: I listened to some of what I wrote. I thank you for that. This Life thing is an “inside job”.
As a fellow sufferer of periodic episodes of gloom, I’v found Meredith Arthur’s Beautiful Voyager substack helpful. She does a deep(ish) dive into the science behind why our brains behave the way they do. This particular post might be helpful to you: https://beautifulvoyager.substack.com/p/stress-relief-cheat-sheet-part-1
Your garden looks beautiful. My tulips haven’t opened yet either. There’s excitement in the waiting though. 🌸🌼🪻
It’s not a sign of health to be well adjusted in a toxic world. Just sayin. Most of us are suffering from a lil mysterious something lately. Call it canary in the coal mine.
March, perhaps? I have a sense that you're so keen to get out and gardening, having discovered its wondrousness, that fickle March is messing with you. "Winter kept us warm, covering earth in forgetful snow", and now you're remembering. March seems as if it should be easy and yet it's not. At this time of year my grandmother would always suggest a dose of Andrews Liver Salts as a tonic for the sudden spring blues that afflicted me year on year. I'm not going to suggest that you add that to your list of attempts to treat!
Plus, possibly, grief - weltschmertz may be a dull drum beat, but it's beating on and on and on. I've had to step away from the News, as I've told you, but it's still there, out of the corner of the eye.
One thing that helps me when Gloom-that-is-not-depression descends is to remember the Headspace meditation app line that the blue sky is always there underneath, within us, and it will return. Sending impatient gardener fellow-feeling hugs.
Definitely need to get laid.
After a historic 6-months of celibacy, it does seem like an obvious solution.
🤣
My guess is also grief. It feels a bit different from depression. Things are going fine and then one little thing can set you off. Identifying that is not always clear and it doesn’t really matter. Because it’s not fixable. Just as the state of the world is also causing grief and there’s so much out of our control. I’m at my parents right now and it’s beautiful weather and sunny and gorgeous mountains and I’m not great. Because my husband loved the mountains. We married here. Damn it, he should be here, skiing with our boys. And I didn’t zero in on my malaise until I read about yours. Keep on keeping on.
PLUS… this has made me add a whole new section the Saturday’s post .. thank you for the inspiration, Lucy
I would suggest it’s the waiting. You know things could be better but they are out of your control (for now). Sometimes you just want to shout and stamp your feet a lot. Do that indoors, not on the Common.
I hope it works out in Gloucestershire but, if it doesn’t, there will be other cottages. My first husband was a fool who managed to get our beautiful cottage in Upper Cam (Glos) repossessed by the bank. We had ducks and chickens and a productive veg garden. I was heartbroken.
Obviously, I divorced him because of all the lies and obfuscation. Luckily, I used to be an accountant and houses used to be cheap. My life improved, I met my true love and we are still together 35 years later. So, you see, you never know. And every cloud has a silver lining. How many more cliches can I squeeze in?
Lucy it was SO lovely to meet you and THANK YOU for coming to the launch on Tuesday. I’m so sorry to hear about The Gloom, and the thing is about it is that one day it will go but you have to get through the days before that day. I totally agree so much of it is light and heat related - we need to more sunlight. I get more work done when the sun is out, even if il inside. And please please to the daffodils - we are actually two weeks behind last year when all my daffs were out and the early tulips too. I do think that’s at the root of it - someone had the breaks on as the wheel of the year has been desperately trying to turn. We need some colour now.
Not to minimize your legit thoughts, official diagnoses and feelings, you have experienced extraordinary losses in your not quite four decades.
IMHO, mourning significant losses insidiously parks inside of us. Deep grief needs to be felt and processed. I have empirical knowledge; not talking about me though.
Got to mire through the muck.
It is not my intent to sound preachy, rather, sincere.
Something to look forward to is key to banish malaise. IMHO, anticipation is the greatest emotion.
At crap-ass times in life, you might feel there exists zero way to sort out these phantom-yet-oh-so-real-bottom-of-the-ocean-grey areas. The myriad of roiling bad and sad feelings you cannot shake despite your best efforts.
As for the state of the world—my take? Do exactly what you want to do every day. You are doing your best. We all are.
Challenge: Horrific, unnamed major world players. {Hah. Players, indeed.}
Celebration: Hug from Jo.
Could you possibly have seasonal allergies? Otherwise, just March.
Holy Crap.
That’s a long writing for this sad sack to get thru.
I’d lean in and dig in the garden, and be careful not to hurt the worms. 🪱 They’re our friends. , Stay out in the great outdoors. No walls.
Jump in a puddle, spray yourself with a hose, accidentally on purpose, be thankful that the only human being in the room/garden you are having trouble with is “yours truly”.
That’s good news.
Believe it or not.
I have met the enemy, and he lies within.
And I have met the good friend, and he’s right next to the enemy.
Could be worse.
Could be better.
Getting laid is overrated.
I find “self-love” is less tangles involved. Also less messy.
I have a good friend, I think he’d say he’s a good friend, even though we haven’t spoke for years, figure that the f#%knout, Kevin (my good friend) says, “I may be not that much, but I’m all I think about”. I’ve heard the same in those meetings I did for so so many years, as I was gripped in the sickness of an addicts survival, the days of wine and roses; I beg your pardon, the days of beer and more beer, and occasional white powder. To do too much of a drug, so one runs off to throw rocks up at a window, to awake a dealer, who I don’t really know, but friend of a friend, who’s kind enough to spot me till next Tuesday(payday); and so then I can venture on and return to the bar to do more of the same drug(alcohol), in which I was wrestling with in the first round.
Damn runoff sentences.
I do love comas though, and now abusing those, as well as an occasional semi colon; I believe there referred to.
Still there?
Too much of oneself is no good.
Self-centeredness is the enemy.
Maybe go out of your own way and visit, help, hold a door, say how is YOUR day, to an elder. Perhaps one in their 80’s or above, older than you and I. They walk by your home more than you think, and they walk rather slowly, in all due respect, as the great race” doesn’t matter that much to them anymore. They’ve found the secret, and would love to share it, to those willing to listen. Find some John Prine and listen to “Hello In There”.
JP passed from Covid a few years ago. Lover of life. The Spirit lives on forever.
And I forgot the point I was going to make.
But when all else fails hug your dog, stick your nose in the soil, talk to a bug, and a bird, or better yet a squirrel or two; and above all thank, your own understanding of “the good lord”, and be grateful that you don’t live in America the not so Beautiful, and to be ruled by a money hungry infested piece of shit, with no one around him brave enough to stand up for the people and democracy; all in fear of losing their job, and company car.
Oh, try starting your day over. Can be done as many or few times you like. No rules. If there are, youre the one making them.
This too shall pass.
*All things must pass.
*George Harrison.
☮️🌱🙏🥸♥️
ps: I listened to some of what I wrote. I thank you for that. This Life thing is an “inside job”.
No doubt.
As a fellow sufferer of periodic episodes of gloom, I’v found Meredith Arthur’s Beautiful Voyager substack helpful. She does a deep(ish) dive into the science behind why our brains behave the way they do. This particular post might be helpful to you: https://beautifulvoyager.substack.com/p/stress-relief-cheat-sheet-part-1
Your garden looks beautiful. My tulips haven’t opened yet either. There’s excitement in the waiting though. 🌸🌼🪻
I was actually debating whether it was too much to say ‘have you considered that you might need to get laid?’ whilst reading this hahaaaa xx
Why I can’t edit and put in my last name is beyond me.
Is it something I have to write my congressman about.
🫤
I sure would love to send out and share a picture or two. Cannot seem to manage that. May need to pay some money for such a virtuous endeavor.
Maybe I’ll start a GoFundMe page.
Any takers.
Any and all are welcomed.
Your money is good with me.
No worries.
☮️♥️🙏🇺🇸
It’s not a sign of health to be well adjusted in a toxic world. Just sayin. Most of us are suffering from a lil mysterious something lately. Call it canary in the coal mine.
March, perhaps? I have a sense that you're so keen to get out and gardening, having discovered its wondrousness, that fickle March is messing with you. "Winter kept us warm, covering earth in forgetful snow", and now you're remembering. March seems as if it should be easy and yet it's not. At this time of year my grandmother would always suggest a dose of Andrews Liver Salts as a tonic for the sudden spring blues that afflicted me year on year. I'm not going to suggest that you add that to your list of attempts to treat!
Plus, possibly, grief - weltschmertz may be a dull drum beat, but it's beating on and on and on. I've had to step away from the News, as I've told you, but it's still there, out of the corner of the eye.
One thing that helps me when Gloom-that-is-not-depression descends is to remember the Headspace meditation app line that the blue sky is always there underneath, within us, and it will return. Sending impatient gardener fellow-feeling hugs.
March is always my most disappointing and frustrating garden month. I put it down to being too far north but maybe it's also true down south...
That is a fine list of all the best things to do and cumulatively, slowly they will work.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️