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Tessa Broad's avatar

Beautiful words for a beautiful friendship. Those who grieve who are not ‘centre stage’ in the life of the loved one who died can feel isolating. I hope it has helped to share it here.

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Horticulturalish's avatar

I actually said *exactly* that to a friend at the time. When it’s a parent or partner your role is clear. With David I was completely lost.

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Tessa Broad's avatar

Umm grief is never a competition. It certainly shouldn’t be, but I get how ‘just’ a friend is too cruelly diminishing. You’re grieving whatever your status and grieving is HARD. For what it’s worth I reckon David’s father would always be glad to hear from you. You loved his son, no greater connection.

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Horticulturalish's avatar

Oh no I don't mean in competition. Just that, when it comes to a funeral etc your role is obvious when you're immediate family. Harder to know what to do / not do when it's a friend.

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Tessa Broad's avatar

Oh I didn’t mean it like that. So sorry if that was misinterpreted I know exactly what you mean.

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Alex Valk's avatar

I don’t know what to say except I’m so sorry. And this is just such good writing. Be kind to yourself tomorrow. Valentine’s Day is stupid. X

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Anne Wareham's avatar

O, so HARD! Feeling for you.

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Zara's avatar

❤️

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Ash Story's avatar

This was beautiful. I’m so sorry your David is gone.

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Susan Hartmann's avatar

I am so so sorry for your loss. What a blessing of a friendship to have had in your life.

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Callie Dawes's avatar

Incredible writing and I send you my deepest condolences- so very very true

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Elissa Altman's avatar

I’m so very sorry. 💔

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Celia Cain, PhD's avatar

I lost my David too. Hugs

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Helen Gordon's avatar

I lost my friend a few years ago, suddenly, to pancreatic cancer. More dreadfully, I had cancer at the same time and I survived. I miss him a lot. He used to drop by the house on his way home, drink tea and chat. Once, he asked me to go with him to the Magistrates Court when a woman, looking at her phone, stepped out in front of his bicycle. Then attempted to sue him.

He won his case. I am truly touched he asked me and not anyone else.

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Feb 12
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Horticulturalish's avatar

Oh Sue, this breaks my heart to read. After I heard the news about David I spent three of the longest weeks of my life terrified that I wouldn't be able to find out when his funeral was. It's so difficult to feel on the outside when there is a real, tangible love between you, and a shared past. Sending you all my love x

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